F*ck, Marry, Kill: Austin, Los Angeles, New York

I’ve lived in three major U.S. cities, and I’m still getting to know Austin. Current consensus? F*ck Austin, Marry New York, Kill LA.

I put in 14 years in the NYC metro area, 8 years in LA, and now I’m four months into Austin. Early data is in, but subject to change if Austin bribes me with more Tex-Mex and live music.

Here’s my stack rank by category:

Food:

1. New York

2. Los Angeles

3. Austin

New York has the best food in the world. Period. Queens alone could take out entire countries in a food-off. LA tries, Austin holds its own in BBQ, but NYC wins.

Affordability:

1. Austin

2. Los Angeles

3. New York

“Affordable” is a scam word. All three are expensive, but Texas doesn’t bleed you with income tax. LA and Austin are neck-and-neck. New York? $16 eggs at Union Square farmer’s market. Sixteen. Eggs. Get it together, mate. Then I walked across to Venchi and likely spent $12 on an ice cream cone for solace. Then I hopped the MTA. Just kidding. I paid $2.75 and cried.

Transportation:

1. New York

2. Los Angeles

3. Austin

I do not drive. I will not drive. I’m currently considering a motorcycle or my neighbor’s trike like I’m auditioning for a third-life crisis (Yeah, third life. Not mid life. I’m 30. I’m too old for chaos, but can’t even dream of retirement). NYC spoiled me rotten. LA traffic is purgatory. Austin feels like they forgot to build a transit system at all, but at least they have Waymo.

Weather:

1. Los Angeles

2. Austin

3. New York

LA wins this round. Nothing beats SoCal weather. I’ll give Austin points for winter, but summer here is brutal. It really messed me up, and if I’m here next summer, I’ll seriously have to leave the whole summer. And NYC? Your winters are emotional abuse.

People:

1. New York

2. Austin

3. Los Angeles

Austin folks are friendly, but New Yorkers are real. They show up on time, say what they mean, mean what they say. In LA, everyone’s nice until you realize it’s the kind of nice that has an expiration date. I don’t think folks in Austin or LA are reliable, at least not by NorthEast standards.

Creatives:

1. New York

2. Austin

3. Los Angeles

Austin’s art scene is fun, scrappy, and refreshingly less pretentious than New York. But New York is still the heavyweight champ. Music scene, though? Austin, hands down. So this is a close call. I’m working on a piece around some of my experience so far in the Austin art scene, so this is subject to change as I keep delving in.

Fitness:

1. Austin

2. Los Angeles

3. New York

Everyone here is jogging with their dog, hitting a gym, or paddle-boarding before brunch. Everyone has a gym membership to whatever they love doing. New Yorkers are too tired, mainly hit up the gym as an optional task after work and LA fitness is more about posing in athleisure… man I’m going to get jumped after this.

Diversity:

1. New York

2. Los Angeles

3. Austin

Let’s just say Texas has “room for growth.” New York remains the ultimate melting pot, LA’s got representation, and Austin is… working on it. Slowly.

So what’s next? I’m finishing my lease, reevaluating my life choices, likely staying here for a bit, and possibly shopping around. For now, I’m just grateful young me got to experience these cities. She’s proud.

She also thinks I should already own a brownstone in Jersey City, a beach-house in Santa Monica and a ranch in Texas, but we don’t talk about that. She’s delulu.